Nov 22, 2022 Another day, the journey

Nov 22, 2022 Another day, the journey
Photo by Dominik Scythe / Unsplash

Some stuff that I've been thinking lately; I'm not sure if any of those things relate to you but maybe they do? Who knows?

If you are not one of those unlucky people who has known me for a long time, it's better to put it out all at once. I am a professional depressionist (yes I made that word up, so what?). I guess the correct word should have been "depressive" but fuck it. I believe, depressionism is the new-age art movement.

  1. Depression is not the name of a disease. It's an umbrella term like respiratory illnesses. There can be many different types of respiratory illnesses like Covid, Flu, Influenza, asthma, lung cancer... anything! So, if you are diagnosed with the depression, it's not your every day social media / tiktok diagnosed depression. It's an umbrella term and we can all perceive the depression in different ways. We have different reasons. Often times it comes with the anxiety or panic attacks. And it makes you suffer. It is a pain that you can not really describe. It is there. Choking you. Making you suffer. Yet, you look perfectly healthy from outside. It is not like a broken leg. So it makes you hate yourself more. Because you are talking about a pain but it's not visible to anyone.
  2. Fuck the Serotonin belief! Recent studies indicate that there might not be any relations between the serotonin levels and the depression *. And it is just what the billion dollar pharmaceutical industry wants you to believe. To be honest, I had two major clinical depressions in my life along with a never ending existential depression and anxiety. And I always used my medications as I was told. If taking the antidepressants work for you, that's good. Go for it. I did the same and they had effects to a degree. But you can never underestimate the depression to a chemical imbalance level. If you are having a situational depression for instance, they can suppress your thoughts until the dust settles. And you will be through it. Sometimes, all you need is time and a little faith. But don't try to diagnose people with just low serotonin and assume that if they gain some serotonin, they will be fine. That will not work. What really worked out for me was to focus on my thoughts, my inner self and I had to (and still I do) untangle myself slowly and with determination. Meditation for instance, was a good thing that worked. Also therapies work a lot in my case. Go seek some help. That is for sure.
  3. This is a dangerous one. But it needs to be told. We are all scared of death. But this does not mean that life is good either. Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable and you just feel like being stuck in a place you don't ever want to be, stuck in pain, and want it to stop. Even the ones who has gone away like Plath, Bennington, Bourdain, Brodak... they all did. Fear of death does not mean that life is worth living.
  4. I realized that, there is a good five years of my childhood / adolescence that I never speak of.  To no one. And there was a good reason for that. I also wanted to forget about those years. Burn  them to the ground and never remember again. I just wish that it would be possible to talk to "then" myself. Be with him. Tell him that I understand him. Too late.
  5. The things that should have bothered me back in time do not bother me anymore.
(The new umbrella review – an overview of existing meta-analyses and systematic reviews – published in Molecular Psychiatry, suggests that depression is not likely caused by a chemical imbalance,and calls into question what antidepressants do. Most antidepressants are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which were originally said to work by correcting abnormally low serotonin levels. There is no other accepted pharmacological mechanism by which antidepressants affect the symptoms of depression. source: https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2022/jul/no-evidence-depression-caused-low-serotonin-levels-finds-comprehensive-review)